The Most Surreal Day Ever...

As I write this, I'm currently sitting in a car with my mum, dad and wonderful girlfriend Kayleigh. We are on our way to the beach, but don't panic, I'm not about to write an entire blog post about our little stay-cation in Devon. But it will be about one day of it. A day like no other, and one that will probably be one of the most surreal of my life. Unless I encounter Somali pirates on the surface on the moon. 

     Friday started like any other day, waking up early resenting the alarm clock that shook me out of my glorious slumber. That's where the similarity ended, for today didn't involve work, me and Kayleigh were going to Devon, now neither of us drive, so our options were thus coach or train. Personally, I hate trains and I usually prefer the luxury of a coach, plus we had booked our tickets weeks I advanced (£9 per person each way). So we left our home to go to Heathrow airport bus and coach station. We found the bus stand and put our bags down, I then went to the nearest over-priced coffee shop to grab a latte for Kayleigh and a vanilla frappe milkshake for me. When I returned to my beautiful girlfriend she was having a conversation with a Mr Hussein. When he saw me he quickly left ( understandable seeing as I can look quite intimidating ;) ).

Not long after this we boarded the coach, noticing that our new friend Mr Hussein, kept walking away from his bag, every time he returned we felt a little less on edge. Finally our coach departed for Exeter for a hellish journey.

     I don't know how many people reading this have travelled anywhere by coach, but sometimes it can be quite a harrowing experience. Essentially, they take the worst parts of being on an airplane such as the cramped conditions, lack of leg room and the horrible fart smell ( to be fair the last one could have been me, Wicksie travel tip 1 never eat curry the day before a coach journey) and then they take away the best part (alcohol). So having to deal with four cramped and sober hours of coach travel is definitely not the best way to start any day, let alone a holiday. When we finally arrived at Exeter bus station, we were greeted by my cousin and up and coming rapper Zuby. My cousin drove us to the small Devon town of Hatherleigh, where we would be spending the next week with my family. We dropped Zuby's bags off at the place he would be staying and went to my parents, so me and Kayleigh could settle in. We unpacked a little and freshened up a tad and came downstairs to enjoy a barbecue with my mum, dad, my cousin Becky, my Aunt Sue and Uncle Phil and Zuby. This is where the day started to get surreal, here we are myself, my beautiful girlfriend, my family and up and coming hip hop artist Zuby, sitting in my parents garden chatting. We discussed many things but we were mainly interested to find out more about our guest Zuby. We learnt all about his up bringing and most of his life story and his influences. It was strange to see my family connecting with someone completely different from the people they are used to in their rural bubble. However this wasn't to be the strangest part of the day, no that would come a little bit later in the evening.

                                                                    

   After the barbecue and a few drinks we headed down to the main square where the marquee had been set up for Hatherleigh festival. There were three acts on that night and Zuby was opening. Now I don't know if anyone reading this has been to Hatherleigh ( or in fact if anyone reads this ) but Hatherleigh reminds me of Sandford the small little village in 'Hot fuzz'. That's not to say that it is anything like the fictitious village in which Simon Pegg and Nick Frost had gun fights with vicars and pensioners.

                                                                                   

                                                          

Being a Londoner, you have all these pre-concoctions about rural folk, especially ones who live in quaint little villages. In all honesty I felt sorry for Zuby, he was young black male in a village full of "honkeys" (my words not his) and he was about to perform for these people. When we arrived to the marquee, we had technical difficulties something to do with cables or something (although I'm a geek, I have no idea when it comes to outside electrical plugs, p.a's and sound systems). Once that was sorted out Zuby needed to do a sound check, however another problem struck when his cd full of instrumental tracks for him to rap over wasn't working. Luckily, he had a back up plan in the form of his iPhone, which had copies of all his instrumentals so that was connected to the sound system for him to rap to. The hour of judgement soon approached and a new problem arose when my uncle said that there was no one to introduce the acts, Becky, who along with her mum (my aunt Sue) worked incredibly hard to put on this show didn't feel up to doing it. Fortunately for them my girlfriend Kayleigh volunteered [me] to do it. So I went in front of a crowd of absolute strangers, in a place I've only visited once, to introduce a man I had only met that afternoon. So Zuby rolls on to the stage in front of a crowd filled with octogenarians, kids and farmers and gets the atmosphere going. It was surreal to see a group so disconnected from hip hop and urban culture enjoying Zuby's performance and if I'm completely honest I don't think Jay-Z himself would have been able to put on a better performance and I don't think he would have had the same charisma to get the crowd moving. It was a surreal sight to see people that are probably more used to hip- ops than hip hop dancing and enjoying Zuby's sound. Zuby should definitely have taken something from this, if he can make that much of an impact on a small village community, you can only imagine what it would be like to perform for those more receptive to his sound.

                                                           

I know I said this day was surreal, and in my opinion it was. I mean it wasn't Salvador Dali melting clocks surreal but probably about as surreal as a Devon holiday can get. For those interested in Zuby, follow him on twitter he's @zubymusic, my cousin has her own blog which is pretty awesome for music fans her twitter is @therealdealbex and Hatherleigh festival which I hope to be official compering next year is also on twitter @Hatherleighfest. all of which I suggest you follow.

The Ten Bromandments

Firstly, I would like to apologize for the fact that this blog hasn't been updated in a long time, a lot of personal problems (which most of my friends know about already and doesn't really need to be mentioned again). Anyways I would like to take the opportunity to use this blog to speak on a subject that's very close to my heart, that subject is the Bro Code. Everyone knows the bro code and most people I know abide to it in some form or another but like most ancient transcriptions of important historical documents, the original meaning gets misinterpreted and lost in translation. Luckily for my wonderful blog readers I managed to get my hands on the original bro code, the ten bromandments. We all know the story of Moses and the ten commandments, but little is documented about his brother Broses. Broses was a simple man he liked to drink and he loved women, in fact he loved women a little bit too much and was on the odd occasion caught in bed with many of his friends wives. One day after a particularly eventful night in which he drank way too much Jesus juice ( only then it wasn't called Jesus juice because Jesus wasn't even born yet) was kicked out of a brothel and told by townsfolk that he needed to leave the town for thirty days so that he could sober up and reflect on his behaviour. While on his journey of self discovery he began to realize the error of his ways, and as he did this he was struck by lightening. While in a state of unconsciousness he spoke to God himself. God told him that the only way he could improve the lives of his friends and family was if he followed the ten Bromandments, a set of rules created by God himself to ensure that bros everywhere can live in peace. God told Broses that he was the chosen one, that he would be the man to lead bros into a new era of peace and understanding. When Broses awoke, he believed that he had just dreamt his conversation with God and put it down to the fact that he was sober for the first time in his life. That was until he saw them, two stone (material not weight) tablets, each engraved with 5 rules about the way bros should conduct themselves. Broses quickly returned back to his home town, he knew he had to spread the word to bros everywhere. When he returned, he gathered the towns bros and told them the very same bromandments that I am about to reveal to you now.

1) Never ditch a bro for a woman (unless that woman is your significant other).

2) Treat your bros as your own, I don't mean literally touch it or or anything but if your bro is going through a dry spell, it is your duty as his bro to make sure that he gets some.

3) Never get with a relative of a bro. This mainly refers to sisters and mothers. Hot aunts and step mums are ok.

4) If a bro is having a tough time in life and if you have the funds, it is your honor as his bro to take him out to get wasted.

5)A bro is honor bound to lie to a woman to help his bro get laid.

6)A bro doesn't have to defend his choice of sexual partner, if it has been more than six months since he's had any.

7) If two bros, have their eyes on the same girl, said girl goes to the bro who calls dibs first. If that girl rejects bro a, bro b is allowed to make a move.

8) NEVER, EVER make eye contact during a devils three way.

9)A bro should always provide a bro with protection if he is about to get some but forgot to buy any.

10) A bro will always have his bros back unless said bro has broken one of the above commandments.


So there we have it the ten bromandments, I hope this settles any issues, fellow bros may have in the future.

Some say the bible is holy, I think it's holey.

"When I was a kid, I used to have an imaginary friend. I thought he went everywhere with me. I could talk to him and he could hear me, and he could grant me wishes and stuff too. But then I grew up, and stopped going to church."
Jimmy Carr

So heres the blunt of it, I'm not exactly religious, in fact I would go as far as saying that I hate organized religion but I'm no atheist either. What?! How can I not be affiliated with a particular church, sect or cult and still not call myself an atheist? Well here's how there's too much we have yet to learn about this crazy planet we call home, there's too much beauty in this world to just put it down to natural selection and other theories. However I'm digressing from my point, which is that organized religion is quintessentially the reason for the lack of social evolution we currently experience. If I found an old piece of paper and on that paper was a set of rules from an apparently omnipotent being, that governed the way we should live our lives, you would consider me crazy for living by them, but here we are thousands of years after Moses apparently received the ten commandments from God still living by these archaic philosophies. I'm not saying murder isn't wrong, it is and I won't be doing that again for a while (police are closing in on me as we speak) but how can we live by a set of rules that doesn't take into account social change. So just for fun here is the ten commandments followed by mitigating circumstances in which I believe it's ok to break them.

1 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me.
( ok firstly never been to Egypt dude, secondly some people like to visit the house of bondage when their wife is out of town, and if your so powerful why do u give a fuck if I believe in another god.)

2. “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments.

( ok dude your starting to sound a little bit like my misses when I go to the pub, if I were god I wouldn't give a shit about what humans do. I'd do something awesome like a get a leprechaun and unicorn to fight. Anyway our society has created it's own Gods out of rockstars, royalty and reality t.v. Stars so I think this one can be scrapped.)

3 “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.

( God dammit, can't you just let me have this one everyone does it)

4. “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.

(that's all well and good but if I need overtime I'm gonna work Sunday, how about you come up with a commandment that increase the minimum wage and we'll talk. Also I don't have any servants or cattle.)

5 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.

( I kinda agree with this but I love my parents, but what if you were born into a family crack addicts and you have health problems because your junkie mum was using during pregnancy?)

6 “You shall not murder.

( self defence? Or what if they deserved it? I.e. Simon Cowell)

7 “You shall not commit adultery.

( what if she's really hot? I'm joking this is a solid one, but maybe add you shall not commit kidultery)

8 “You shall not steal.

( I agree you shouldn't steal from other people but big faceless corporation where's the harm?)

9 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

( I'm not even sure this means anything.)

10 “You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.”

( if my neighbor had a female servant I would be a little jealous in all fairness, but I only covet technology, you shall not covet your neighbors 64gb iPad 2 would be more like it for me)

So there's my get outs and other comments about the ten commandments, but there's plenty of other rules and guides to how you should live your life in there. The problem is that these are mainly interpretations and can obviously be interpreted anyway, could it be that some unscrupulous people might interpret certain religious extracts to force their agenda on the witless masses. Of course not, that would be ludicrous (rolls eyes).


I understand how important religion is to some, for some people it's a source of strength. Personally I think its a method of controlling societies. Everyone has an opinion on this, and I hope this strikes up some sort of debate.

Hopefully soon I will have this months awesome list ready for y'all to read.

A few of my fav things (this month (April 2011))

So it seems like the world is heading towards apocalypse,I'm pretty sure the four horsemen mentioned in the bible are here ( war, famine, pestilence and Justin Bieber) and in these gloomy end of days times it's sometimes difficult to feel happy anymore, but why should you in these days where you realize that a completely thick, plastic slag (Jordan) has earned more money then you ever will. My way of keeping happy is to make lists of things that make me happy ( I don't). I've decided once a month to blog a list of that make me happy right now, it could be new tech, new tech, a t.v. show, movie or even a song, maybe even a quote from a friend if it's good. So here it is the things that I like list for March 2011....


Due South (T.V. Show) 

      So what do you get when you take a Canadian Mountie, team him up with an Italian-American cop and put them on the streets of Chi(cago) town? The answer is Due South, potentially the most epic daytime cop show ever. Benton Fraser (Paul Gross) is a fantastic character, he is smart, polite and charming the complete opposite of his partner Ray Vecchio (David Marciano), the chemistry between the two is just awesome. If you haven't seen it you need to. For me it brings a sense of nostalgia, for others it will be an experience they will look forward to being nostalgic about. 


Nintendo 3DS (gadget)


         I know right?! I'm making more u turns than John Kerry but I kept an open mind when it came to the 3DS ( which my fiancé bought for my birthday), and in all honesty it is amazing. The games are graphically superior to anything I have ever seen on a portable, they are just so immersive. There is sooo much potential in this latest nintendo offering. Augmented reality, 3D photos, and of course the games make this one hell of a device, stories in the paper suggest that some people aren't entirely happy with it. But it just seems like a bunch idiots complying about nothing, there is a switch to adjust the level of 3D so it seems like a petty complaint. Seriously, would people sue an music player maker for how loud it is? (Well, maybe in America).

Give The Drummer Some By Travis Barker (Album)

Travis Barker takes a break from making blink 182 look good, to work with some of hip hops best artists. The result is a wonderfully crafted album that is filled with killer tracks. The calibre of artists that Travis managed to get on this album is astounding. There are too many tracks to talk about the album in great length but for me the highlights of this album include "Beat Goes On" (a track that features Cypress Hill), "Can a Drummer Get Some" ( featuring Lil Wayne and the Game) and "Let's Go" ( featuring Busta Rhymes, Lupe Fiasco and Twista). This album is definitely worth giving a go, even if your not really into hip hop you will probably find a track you like.



Machete (Movie)

We first got a glimpse of this film, when it came as a trailer for Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez' 'Grindhouse' double feature, and since then I have been counting the days until this potential masterpiece was released. The problem is when you wait along time for something like this you build up your expectations and sometimes you find that it just doesn't live up to it. However that definitely wasn't the issue here. This film was a-mazing, I don't want to ruin it too much but this film had it all, a fantastic cast (including Robert De Niro, Steven Segal and Danny Trejo as the title character.) The plot is simple but in the sense that it doesn't bog you down with too much to think about. Essentially its a tale of revenge, that includes some unbelievably gory scenes. All in all if your looking for a kick ass action movie that is smart, yet uncomplicated then this film is the one for you.


So there you have it this was my list of kick ass things that cheer me up for the month of April, gonna start on next months, as well as doing a proper blog post involving angry sweaty words and insults about dwarfs.

Positivity in modern television

It feels like ages since I last wrote one of these, oh it has been ages. Oh well. I know it's not the most sophisticated of tastes, but I'm not particularly sophisticated, but one thing that I have to say is that I love watching t.v. but who doesn't right? I have tons of favorite shows, some old, some new the point is that television is an amazing format. It's been around for decades and has rolled with almost every technological advancement. Unlike certain media formats it has evolved with society, it isn't stuck in a time warp that's for certain even though it's time is coming to an end (we need every show available when we want, not on someone elses schedule.). One show I have been watching with my fiancée lately is a show that manages to make me feel warm inside, no I'm not talking about "Rastamouse" (which seems to me to be the outcome if you put a group of stoners in a room with a set of Sylvainian family toys), the show I'm talking about isn't even on t.v. anymore (which is a big shame, maybe someone at Dave can put aside an hour a week in which they don't put that smug cunt Jeremy Clarkson on) anyways the show is called "The Amazing Adventures Of A Nobody".

"The Amazing Adventures Of A Nobody", centres on the travels of Leon Logothetis. There are three series, in one series he has to travel around the U.K. on £5 a day, he also travels the U.S. ( on $5 a day) and Europe (€5 a day). This may spoil it a little bit but he successfully completes each tour, mostly because of the helpfulness of the strangers he meets on his travels. Sometimes it's good to put on a t.v. show and actually feel happy. We live in a society where most t.v. shows perpetuate old fashioned stereotypes and pump you full of fear that when you come across a gem like this it's hard not to smile. Leon, is such a delightfully charming person that you do think that if anyone else did the show they may not have got so far. Honestly, Leon manages to charm and entertain almost everyone he encounters, on numerous occasions getting free lifts, a bed for the night, free meals and train tickets. If you ever get the chance to watch this show don't pass it up because you will regret not watching it. The people he meets on his travels are so interesting in particular the ones that help him, he encounters everyone from off duty soldiers to refugees. Each have their own story in which Leon takes the time to listen to ( sometimes putting his own troubles into perspective). He didn't do those journey's for the fame (clearly) or for any monetary gain, but to meet new people and for the sense of adventure.

I was lucky in the fact that I managed to get hold of the DVDs from the production company (Shankley Productions) because we (my fiancée and I) had seen a couple of episodes a couple of years back we knew we had to look for it, and after a bit of research managed to email someone at the production company who sent them. The point of this rather short blog post is that television doesn't need to be all doom and gloom (Eastenders, Hollyoaks, Sky news) in fact t.v. can be a place for wonderment and excitement (My Name Is Earl, How I Met Your Mother, Rastamouse), wouldn't that be nice to see, television shows that cheer you up rather than shows that make you want to smash your t.v. over your head. Apologies for the shortness of this blog but hopefully I will be back very soon with something that resembles a coherent blog.

Cinema? No thanks! I think I'd rather drink rat piss til I get a disease.

I'm gonna level with ya, if your reading this thinking I may write about new movies. Your in for a disappointment but don't despair it's just one of the many you will endure on the ongoing journey to the crypt. I don't go to the cinema and I won't go to the cinema, there is not a good enough reason to make me to go, and there are plenty of reasons why I wouldn't and I think this may well be the topic of this very blog.

Reason one: The Internet


This might be because I'm insanely lazy or a because I'm crap in most social situations, but I would much rather download a movie from iTunes and watch it on my big screen t.v. via an apple t.v. box (by the way that last sentence wasn't intended as bragging) it's hd quality (albeit 720p) and it's quick and simple and let's face it that's what our society is aiming for right?! Isn't the future all robots and computers that do everything while we overpopulated the world with slow witted obese twat bags that will never work a day in their life ( sorry been watching too much Jezza Kyle and sci-fi movies). Fuck leaving my living room, big t.v., surround sound and an 99% chance of not getting stabbed (1% chance cos the misses may well tire of my bullshit, wouldn't blame her I'm getting pretty tired of it myself). Anyways I could talk all day about the intricacy of my relationship but you would get bored and my misses would rip my balls off and feed them to pigs ( she's watched too many Guy Ritchie movies) the point I'm making is if there is an easier way of doing something I'm going to do it that way, that even means that I will wait for a film to come out on DVD or the iTunes store rather than leave the safety of my home to go watch a movie at the cinema.

Reason two: The Cinema

I can't remember the last time I went to the cinema or even what film I saw ( although I suspect it was "Get him to the Greek"). If you are truly honest with yourself you can admit what a harrowing experience going to the cinema is. Firstly you have to turn up at the cinema to watch a film at a time that they allocate and it's always some strange time like 21:45 or 22:10 it might be because I'm slightly OCD but I want my films to start on the hour. So after you have picked the film you want to watch out of a choice of 6 ( which really isn't the freedom of choice I'm used to in this day and age) You then get to choose what overpriced snacks you want to buy ( oooohhh! Do I spend my hard earned money on the £5 drink or the £3 sweets?) seriously where the hell do cinemas get off charging so much?! If you popped into tesco and bought a bottle of pepsi and the person at the till told you it cost £5 you would probably tell them to fuck off. So why do we accept this case of extortion if ordinarily we wouldn't? Sometimes they even search you for food to prevent you from taking anything in from home. So forgive me if I prefer being at home to being searched by the food Nazis. Welcome to a Hollywood holocaust in which carrying a chocolate bar is considered to be on a par with possession of a wrap of cocaine and a shopping list is considered a thought crime.

Reason three: The movies

I think that the biggest and best reason for not going to the cinema, has to be the quality of the films. Let's face it apart from the odd film like "Inception" Hollywood really doesn't put out the decent quality it used to. If you go the cinema on any given day your going to be confronted by the following choices;
A soulless cgi movie for kids that lacks in plot and charm.
A hapless horror movie that follows tIred clichès and isn't remotely scary.
A pointless action movie starring some knuckle drugging ape as some guy who has to avenge something for some reason.
And whatever cheesy romantic comedy starring Jennifer Anniston in her usual Rachel from Friends persona.

So forgive me for choosing watching movies at home over being over charged to spend two hours in a room with a bunch of disease spreaders while being subjected to the latest piece of shit Hollywood considers to be a movie. When is the movie industry going to realize going to the cinema is as dead as the newspaper industry and Maddy ( most probably, don't hate me too much for that).

The Curious Case Of Jeremy Kyle

I'll be honest here, I was struggling to come up with a topic for this blog. I could talk about the civil unrest in Egypt (but I'm far too ignorant) or the sacking of Andy Gray and Richard Keys (but anyone who knows me, will know I've probably said worse. On the subject of Andy Gray, when I was playing FIFA 11 I think he called Fernando Torres sugartits, but I digress.) I could even discuss the protests in London by Uk Uncut ( once again way too ignorant.). So I'm racking my brain (lying on the couch doing nothing) trying to think of a subject that will get people interested, words that may inspire others or at the very least provoke thought, argument or a giggle (btw who giggles, I laugh, my friends laugh, I don't ever hear people giggle and I've never heard a guffaw). So while waiting on this divine inspiration to fall in to my reclined lap, it hit me, well I say it hit me but it was more of a case of my fiancée hitting the 6 button on the free view remote. Yes my inspiration came from ITV2. That's right ITV2, the channel that brings us televisual classics such as "The only way is Essex" (which is kind of like a reality t.v. Version of "The O.C." except the c stands for cunts.), Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter ( in which the audience is constantly hoping that the next chapter involves chains and meat cleaver.) and Peter Andre: The next chapter ( a candid show that captures the Aussie pop singer and former sperm donor for Katie Price struggling to read the hungry caterpillar.). So what inspired piece of programming will I be discussing in this barely read and even less enjoyed blog? Here's a clue I'm going to cut the crap and "draw a line in the sand". Got it yet? Yeah that's right. I'm going to talk about Jeremy Kyle.

What can I say about Jeremy Kyle that hasn't been said already? Well let me try by saying I actually love this piece of shit show. I think its amazing. No other show on television shows you the truth that most problems can be solved by shouting. I enjoy this show because when I'm feeling that my life is crap and things aren't going to plan I can sit down, put on Jeremy Kyle and just bask in the glow of other people's lives going down the crapper. I'm not a "good" person in the slightest but compared to the pricks they get on this show I look like Ghandi. Where the fuck does he find these people? I'm thinking a lot of the "guests" are either the inbred hill people from "The Hills Have Eyes" or some of the children that Josef Fritzl had with his now estranged daughter. Most of the people who come on are identikit copies, they all seem to be on benefits and drugs and have never heard the word contraception ( which is fine but I think they should have been sterilized at some point). It must be hard for poor Jeremy ( don't worry insults will come later) to deal with this influx of slags and chavs and almost definitely having to deal with the stress of filming more than one show a day in order to fulfill ITV's requirements, while at the same time having to schedule around his guests benefits pay days. The stress of listening to these people's bullshit probably means that he won't live to 50 ( here's hoping anyway). The main thing that Jeremy does on his show is reveal results from tests, either lie detector (of course he cheated he's got a cock hasn't he?) and DNA ( would love it if the DNA test showed that the guests were in fact another species, that would definitely make me feel better about mankind), but how about Jezza ups the anty a little I wanna see people recording the results of a HIV test (serves you right for being a slag).

As for Mr Kyle, he must be one of the angriest men in Britain (Myself coming a close second). He shouts at his guests with no thought of the consequence and has been close to being hit on a few occasions. A usual episode will consist of some chav shouting, a slag crying, Kyle shouting then revealing a test result and then Jezza passes the buck on to long suffering life partner Graham ( if you look into his eyes they are trying to hide some dark secret of Jeremy's). I recently watched an episode in which he went around Britain confronting people that were claiming benefits, yeah nice one mate just take a swipe at your audience. I'm surprised he hasn't gone after teen mums, druggies and the elderly (oh wait). Jeremy my son don't bite the hand that feeds you. You don't see these work dodging, benefits collecting breeders go after tax payers do you? Kyle himself has had his own demons, not drink, drugs or women but gambling which is clearly the reason his show is sponsored by numerous online bingo companies (gotta pay back those debts right? I guess it serves you right for putting a wager on Audley Harrison.)

To sum up TJKS as I never call it, its white trash television. Not Jerry Springer white trash because, well we are British after all. We might drink, take drugs and have indiscriminate sex but we won't get naked and fight by a stripper poll, while an over weight pervert with a primary school education (or potential sun reader) plays sound effects taken from a seriously perverse episode of sesame street. Jeremy Kyle is clearly one of the four horseman, this is apocolypse, this is broken Britain, put your slippers on, get yourself a cupper, get comfy, sit back and enjoy. Feel free to add your opinions below or contact me personally in twitter. I'm @IamWicksie and this has been my Bloggle.