So this month has been quite an exciting one for me and my fellow technophiles ( people who enjoy tech, not some form of electronically enhanced sex offender) with Nintendo announcing the release date of the highly anticipated 3DS and Sony unveiling their brand new portable console which is currently got the project name of Next Generation Portable. So the future seems bright for portable gaming, or does it (and by that I mean No, it doesn't.).
I could use this blog to talk about the new devices, speculating on what they will be like without actually experiencing it. I could quote the specs for both devices and compare them with each other and what's around, but I think that would be a bigger waste of time than watching ITV (with the exception of the football). You see my biggest issue with portable gaming is that in my opinion it's as obsolete as the newspaper industry (Everyone knows that its a dead format except the people making them). I realize I'm making these statements based on old portable consoles (Nintendo DS & PSP) but my understanding of portable gaming is that it's a games device you can take everywhere. That's fine both are capable of doing that but I can't remember the last time I was on the tube, bus or train and I saw someone playing a PSP or DS. I've not even seen an advert for the DS where someone is using it outside of their home. I believe the reason for this is the mobile phone. The main difference between now and 1990 ( the European release date for the original gameboy) is the rise of the mobile phone. Mobile phones today are incredible, they are basically small computers that can also from time to time make and receive phone calls and text messages. The hardware that gets packed into a phone these days is a scaled down version of what we used to get in computers only a couple of years ago. The operating software such as Google's Android and Apple's iOS is so incredibly quick and intuitive, that using mobile phones is not the chore it once was (I'm looking at you here, Nokia. Seriously I am never buying a Nokia phone ever again, but I can save that for another blog.) the apps that you can download today are amazing, there pretty much is an app for everything. The games you can download from Google Market place or Apple's app store are simply fantastic. The point I'm trying to make here is why on earth would I bother taking an extra portable device with me, when my iPhone has a pretty decent selection of games, I don't need to bother with cartridges all the games are on my phone already and if not I can always download them (network permitting). Another issue for me is cost, the new 3DS is going to cost £230, the current DSi XL costs around £150 and so does the PSP go. Is it really worthy spending such money on a device that essentially does one thing (I'm fully aware that you can take photos on the DS and you can watch movies on the PSP, but my phone does all that and more.) . Then there is the cost of the games, a brand new DS or PSP game can cost as much as £35 (3DS games rrp is £39.99) so essentially I can buy FIFA 11 for the DS for £30 but I could also get the iPhone version which is not too dissimilar for £2.99 from the app store. A phone is a hell of a lot easier to pull out and play a game on compared to a portable console, there's hardly any loading time and if my phone does get nicked it's insured (I'm also aware that you can insure a portable console, but who does that?).
I'm not saying portable consoles are all bad but there is a few things that they need to work on in order to make me interested. Firstly out of all the games I've played, only one PSP game (One of the smackdown games) let me carry on a game from a home console (PS2), I would be the first one in line to buy Sony's latest device if it allowed me to carry on a season mode from FIFA and play it out and about, even if the graphics and game play are slightly different being able to take my games with me is a dealmaker. With tablet devices being last years biggest gadget and with many more on the way, can the portable console really make a come back? Only time will tell, but it's safe to say it's going to be an exciting year for gadget fans like me. Sorry if this one is a bit more serious than usual, hopefully will be writing something a bit funnier soon.
Friday, 28 January 2011
Sunday, 23 January 2011
Films that make you huh!!!
When I first decided to write this blog I kind of made it my mission statement to discuss tech, t.v. And movies.
Well blog one was about the iPad (tech) blog two was about the Fresh Prince (t.v.) so to even things up so to speak I am going to discuss some movies, but not just any movies I'm going to discuss the five worst movies I have ever watched (and by watched I mean had my retinas burnt by). I'm talking about the kind of movie that has you begging for the sweet release of death or at the very least the tools to remove your eyes from their sockets. So here it is after much bullshit and procrastination is the least of my least favourite movies in no particular order.
1. Reeker (2005) Dir. Dave Payne.
A couple of years back me and my fiancée were on a bit of a horror movie kick, once we had got through the classics like the early 'Saw' movies, 'Nightmare on Elm street', Halloween and anything by Rob Zombie (FYI if you haven't seen a movie by Zombie, you are missing out he is the Tarantio of shock horror) to name a few. We started trawling for cheap looking horror movies in supermarket bargain bins to see if we could find a gem ( which by the way was a fruitless endeavor) and came across Reeker. Never has a title been so apt since I saw a book about Josef Fritzl that was called 'Monster' (which is actually an impressive DIY manual for any budding Fritzl's). So what makes the movie so bad, in all honesty there probably isn't a good thing about this movie apart from the ending credits indicating I can put away the hand gun for another day. One of the keys to a horror movie that seems to be forgotten in modern horror is empathy. Yes that's right empathy if I can't relate to or at least feel for the character I'm not going to be bothered if they are brutally slaughtered. (take note Cloverfield, but more on that later.) So everyone that gets holed up in the skanky motel in the middle of nowhere are completely unrelatable or to a lesser extent douche bags. Whether it be the drug dealer or the two thieving druggies or anyone else caught up. I can't relate to these people, they're dicks. The monster in this movie is some sort of disfigured creature that looks like the offspring of Edward Scissorhands and a tefal blender. He sounds scary right? In all honesty he looks it but he does have a major drawback. What is it I hear no one ask? An Oedipus complex (like Jason from 'Friday the 13th'), short stature ( like Chucky from 'Childs play') or a completely rational fear of fire ( like Freddy from 'Nightmare on Elm street') oh no it's nothing silly like any of those, no. The Reeker stinks, that's right he smells really bad, so therefore can be detected early enough to get away. You would think. This collective of retards manages to go with every tired clichè of the genre. I.e. they split up and investigate their surroundings (another reason for no sympathy). One by one they are murdered and if I recall correctly one gets away. This piece of shit movie worries me, if someone at a studio read this script and decided it would make a good movie what other crap are they going to bring out (see 'Rubber' http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1612774/).
2. Cloverfield (2008) Dir. Matt Reeves.
What can I say about this movie, that hasn't been covered before? Well in my opinion I think this movie shares similar qualities to 'One Night in Paris' ( the Paris Hilton sex tape) it's amateurish (I'm fully aware that it is supposed to be as it was mainly filmed on handicams, but this has been done a million times before and anyone who thought 'Godzilla' meets 'Blair Witch' was a good concept needs to be hunted down and killed by mob in a similar way to how some countries treat sex offenders (watch out Polanski).) It's self indulgent ( soo much unwarranted publicity) and you know from the start the main character is gonna be fucked. In all honesty when a film associated with J.J. Abrams comes out, you have to check it out because the guy brought us 'Lost'. However that clearly didn't count for shit. This film has characters that are so dull and vapid and just so fucking unlikeable that you feel that if they had cast Hitler, Osama Bin Laden and Katie Price, you may have actually felt some empathy. This film suffered from it's very successful viral marketing campaign and never lived up to the hype. It was kind of like being a kid, waiting all year for Christmas only to be woken up on Christmas day by the sound of a man dressed as Father Christmas fucking your mum (something I will never forgive Tim Allen for, that and 'Wild Hogs'.) To sum up 'Cloverfield' in five words it would be "Do a sequel, you die.".
3. Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009) Dir. Chris Weitz
Anyone who has a girlfriend, fiancée or wife of a certain age has probably been forced to watch at least one of the 'Twilight' movies or as my mate Cheese (who also has a blog at http://cheeseytrout.blogspot.com/) refers to them the Twiglett Saga. It's not that it's a bad series of movies because at times there are moments that appeal to both men and women. The problem with this movie is that it's middle of the road. In terms of action it's lacking and the movie just drags you along kicking and screaming like an Ipswich prostitute. There are moments so dull that you begin to play a little game in which you spot things around the room in which you can bludgeon yourself to death with, in this instance I counted 5 if I can count bludgeoning my mind with a book by Katie Price. 'Twilight' sets up the story nicely and 'Eclipse' keeps you looking forward to 'Breaking Dawn' but 'New Moon' works like an anti-depressant, it makes you numb on the inside. Bella is such a depressing character that I think she would make a Valium contemplate suicide. Have you ever watched a movie and thought to yourself I have just lost hours of my life to this piece of crap, hours I will never see again, hours that I could have spent with loved ones, hours that I will curse on my deathbed? Well this is one of them. I know that I run a risk of reprisal from die-hard 'Twilight' fans or single women as they are more commonly known, but I'm not actually putting down the whole saga just this worthless piece of shit, but I better stop before a "Twi-Hard" sucks my blood and tries to make sweet love to my rotting corpse.
4. American Virgin (2009) Dir. Clare Kilner.
Can anybody tell me how the fuck Rob Sneider gets work? Honestly the guy is about as funny as bollock cancer & less appealing to boot. He looks like a pool boy with down syndrome. Seriously what's his fucking appeal? What demographics does he bring in? Oh I hear he tests well with sexually repressed inbred hicks ages 18-29. This film is based around a girl who is one of those promise ring wearing virgin types ( the kind that you see on milk cartons throughout America and are usually found dead in a motel room after being viciously sexually assaulted by a close family member.) and her new room mate who is essentially a female Van Wilder but with more balls. After accidentally getting drunk ( too naive to realise that a jello shot contains alcohol) the virgin type is video taped doing numerous lewd and drunken acts for a "Chicks go crazy" video (a cheap rip off of girls gone wild). She then has to track down the scumbag responsible for making this video (enter Rob Schneider) and prevent him from ever releasing it, for fear of losing everything she has. Instead of making a statement about how stupid the whole concept of promise rings and abstinence is ( see 'Teeth' http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780622/) it just spends the film sinking to new depths. Predictably the girl abandoned her values and everything works out in the end. An ending that you could see from the DVD cover (ooh 'American Virgins' I wonder if someone will lose their virginity). If you find yourself watching this movie, run away!!! If that's not an option then I would suggest sticking a sharp object up your arse because it really can't get that much more unpleasant.
5. Batman Forever (1995) & Batman & Robin (1997) Dir. Joel Schumacher
I know what your thinking two movies?! What's that all about? Well I can't talk about how shit one is without mentioning how shit the other one is. They are part of the same shit stained, fuck brained, wanky parcel. Just a bit of advice Joel when you depict the Dark Knight on the big screen you have two options. You can make Batman dark and mysterious like Tim Burton ( 'Batman' & 'Batman Returns') or dark and mysterious like Chris Nolan ( 'Batman Begins' & 'The Dark Knight') you don't go for the nonexistent option of camp and shit like the t.v. Series starring Adam West. I will tell you the only good thing about these movies. Jim Carrey as the Riddler, he was a ray of sunshine on a day like 9/11. Batman should be a character of a typical male, someone who sets out to control his surroundings, has to fix problems that aren't his own and someone who probably needs to learn to communicate a little better. Batman is not a gay icon. He shouldn't be there are better icons for members of the gay community and Batman should be asexual (I'm not saying Batman is gay in these movies, but he's not really Batman in these movies.). The villains in these two movies ( with the obvious exclusion of Riddler) are shit one dimensional beings that give you no taste of the true Batman experience. If the character doesn't have a good back story then they are just badly cast or even changed from the comics to such an extreme that you feel robbed. Two-face has no real back story, in this film he got half his face burnt by acid when he was in court as the District Attorney. Apparently such an event can make you an evil master mind if that's the case we should all be a little worried about what Katie Piper (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1221077/Katie-Piper-Acid-attack-victim-bravely-shows-face-disfigured-boyfriend-Daniel-Lynch.html) has up her sleeve. Bane in 'Batman & Robin' was a test subject for a super soldier like formula that gives him incredible strength, however in the comics he is an evil mastermind capable of matching wits with the worlds greatest detective. In this film he is nothing but a henchman a disposable pawn in Poison Ivy's wicked if not limp wristed plan. Poison Ivy herself is an ok character in this movie and maybe it's the fact I don't find Uma Thurman the least bit attractive that I don't understand the power she has over Batman & Robin. Mr Freeze the last of the villains in these completely shite Batman movies is a case of bad casting, the character has a reason for committing crimes, a pretty decent motive but casting Arnold Schwarzenegger was the equivalent of someone lending their tools to Josef Fritzl. Just something you shouldn't do. The role requires someone capable of being evil but who has a heart, seeing as Arnie is now a Republican Governer he can do evil but because he's a republican governor lacks a heart. My last gripe with these piece of shit movies is Robin. I don't think I have ever met anyone who likes him, and I'm sure I've never heard anyone mutter the phrase "oh Chris O'Donnell I really liked him in....". That's because both are intolerable pricks especially in these movies. If I saw my family murdered by a half faced criminal "mastermind" my first thought would not be to avenge their murders by dressing up as superhero and being a cunt. I think I might grieve a little and then look for the latest copy of everyones wills and organize the funeral, but that's just me. My fiancée for some unknown reason actually enjoys these films (obviously not as much as 'The Dark Knight' but still a fair amount.) and it is probably one of the many things we don't see eye to eye on, because in my opinion these films are atrocities. They Should be stricken from all records and put into protective custody like John Venables.
So there we have it 5 (or 6) movies that I wouldn't wish my worst enemies to see. Movies that almost make you wish that the art form of cinema had never been created. So if you watch any of these after my warning don't say I didn't warn you and if you have had this misfortune of watching these movies and actually disagree I welcome your opinions. And just as a bonus here is a quick list of films that didn't quite make the cut.
6.Ripper (2001) Dir. John Eyres.
7. Satan's little helper (2004) Dir. Jeff Lieberman.
8. American Pie 3: The wedding (2003) Dir. Jesse Dylan.
9. Any movie that ends in movie that wasn't the original two 'Scary Movies'.
10. Any movie with Jennifer Annistan that isn't 'The Break Up'.
So thanks for taking the time to read and hopefully a new blog will be up soon.
Well blog one was about the iPad (tech) blog two was about the Fresh Prince (t.v.) so to even things up so to speak I am going to discuss some movies, but not just any movies I'm going to discuss the five worst movies I have ever watched (and by watched I mean had my retinas burnt by). I'm talking about the kind of movie that has you begging for the sweet release of death or at the very least the tools to remove your eyes from their sockets. So here it is after much bullshit and procrastination is the least of my least favourite movies in no particular order.
1. Reeker (2005) Dir. Dave Payne.
A couple of years back me and my fiancée were on a bit of a horror movie kick, once we had got through the classics like the early 'Saw' movies, 'Nightmare on Elm street', Halloween and anything by Rob Zombie (FYI if you haven't seen a movie by Zombie, you are missing out he is the Tarantio of shock horror) to name a few. We started trawling for cheap looking horror movies in supermarket bargain bins to see if we could find a gem ( which by the way was a fruitless endeavor) and came across Reeker. Never has a title been so apt since I saw a book about Josef Fritzl that was called 'Monster' (which is actually an impressive DIY manual for any budding Fritzl's). So what makes the movie so bad, in all honesty there probably isn't a good thing about this movie apart from the ending credits indicating I can put away the hand gun for another day. One of the keys to a horror movie that seems to be forgotten in modern horror is empathy. Yes that's right empathy if I can't relate to or at least feel for the character I'm not going to be bothered if they are brutally slaughtered. (take note Cloverfield, but more on that later.) So everyone that gets holed up in the skanky motel in the middle of nowhere are completely unrelatable or to a lesser extent douche bags. Whether it be the drug dealer or the two thieving druggies or anyone else caught up. I can't relate to these people, they're dicks. The monster in this movie is some sort of disfigured creature that looks like the offspring of Edward Scissorhands and a tefal blender. He sounds scary right? In all honesty he looks it but he does have a major drawback. What is it I hear no one ask? An Oedipus complex (like Jason from 'Friday the 13th'), short stature ( like Chucky from 'Childs play') or a completely rational fear of fire ( like Freddy from 'Nightmare on Elm street') oh no it's nothing silly like any of those, no. The Reeker stinks, that's right he smells really bad, so therefore can be detected early enough to get away. You would think. This collective of retards manages to go with every tired clichè of the genre. I.e. they split up and investigate their surroundings (another reason for no sympathy). One by one they are murdered and if I recall correctly one gets away. This piece of shit movie worries me, if someone at a studio read this script and decided it would make a good movie what other crap are they going to bring out (see 'Rubber' http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1612774/).
2. Cloverfield (2008) Dir. Matt Reeves.
What can I say about this movie, that hasn't been covered before? Well in my opinion I think this movie shares similar qualities to 'One Night in Paris' ( the Paris Hilton sex tape) it's amateurish (I'm fully aware that it is supposed to be as it was mainly filmed on handicams, but this has been done a million times before and anyone who thought 'Godzilla' meets 'Blair Witch' was a good concept needs to be hunted down and killed by mob in a similar way to how some countries treat sex offenders (watch out Polanski).) It's self indulgent ( soo much unwarranted publicity) and you know from the start the main character is gonna be fucked. In all honesty when a film associated with J.J. Abrams comes out, you have to check it out because the guy brought us 'Lost'. However that clearly didn't count for shit. This film has characters that are so dull and vapid and just so fucking unlikeable that you feel that if they had cast Hitler, Osama Bin Laden and Katie Price, you may have actually felt some empathy. This film suffered from it's very successful viral marketing campaign and never lived up to the hype. It was kind of like being a kid, waiting all year for Christmas only to be woken up on Christmas day by the sound of a man dressed as Father Christmas fucking your mum (something I will never forgive Tim Allen for, that and 'Wild Hogs'.) To sum up 'Cloverfield' in five words it would be "Do a sequel, you die.".
3. Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009) Dir. Chris Weitz
Anyone who has a girlfriend, fiancée or wife of a certain age has probably been forced to watch at least one of the 'Twilight' movies or as my mate Cheese (who also has a blog at http://cheeseytrout.blogspot.com/) refers to them the Twiglett Saga. It's not that it's a bad series of movies because at times there are moments that appeal to both men and women. The problem with this movie is that it's middle of the road. In terms of action it's lacking and the movie just drags you along kicking and screaming like an Ipswich prostitute. There are moments so dull that you begin to play a little game in which you spot things around the room in which you can bludgeon yourself to death with, in this instance I counted 5 if I can count bludgeoning my mind with a book by Katie Price. 'Twilight' sets up the story nicely and 'Eclipse' keeps you looking forward to 'Breaking Dawn' but 'New Moon' works like an anti-depressant, it makes you numb on the inside. Bella is such a depressing character that I think she would make a Valium contemplate suicide. Have you ever watched a movie and thought to yourself I have just lost hours of my life to this piece of crap, hours I will never see again, hours that I could have spent with loved ones, hours that I will curse on my deathbed? Well this is one of them. I know that I run a risk of reprisal from die-hard 'Twilight' fans or single women as they are more commonly known, but I'm not actually putting down the whole saga just this worthless piece of shit, but I better stop before a "Twi-Hard" sucks my blood and tries to make sweet love to my rotting corpse.
4. American Virgin (2009) Dir. Clare Kilner.
Can anybody tell me how the fuck Rob Sneider gets work? Honestly the guy is about as funny as bollock cancer & less appealing to boot. He looks like a pool boy with down syndrome. Seriously what's his fucking appeal? What demographics does he bring in? Oh I hear he tests well with sexually repressed inbred hicks ages 18-29. This film is based around a girl who is one of those promise ring wearing virgin types ( the kind that you see on milk cartons throughout America and are usually found dead in a motel room after being viciously sexually assaulted by a close family member.) and her new room mate who is essentially a female Van Wilder but with more balls. After accidentally getting drunk ( too naive to realise that a jello shot contains alcohol) the virgin type is video taped doing numerous lewd and drunken acts for a "Chicks go crazy" video (a cheap rip off of girls gone wild). She then has to track down the scumbag responsible for making this video (enter Rob Schneider) and prevent him from ever releasing it, for fear of losing everything she has. Instead of making a statement about how stupid the whole concept of promise rings and abstinence is ( see 'Teeth' http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780622/) it just spends the film sinking to new depths. Predictably the girl abandoned her values and everything works out in the end. An ending that you could see from the DVD cover (ooh 'American Virgins' I wonder if someone will lose their virginity). If you find yourself watching this movie, run away!!! If that's not an option then I would suggest sticking a sharp object up your arse because it really can't get that much more unpleasant.
5. Batman Forever (1995) & Batman & Robin (1997) Dir. Joel Schumacher
I know what your thinking two movies?! What's that all about? Well I can't talk about how shit one is without mentioning how shit the other one is. They are part of the same shit stained, fuck brained, wanky parcel. Just a bit of advice Joel when you depict the Dark Knight on the big screen you have two options. You can make Batman dark and mysterious like Tim Burton ( 'Batman' & 'Batman Returns') or dark and mysterious like Chris Nolan ( 'Batman Begins' & 'The Dark Knight') you don't go for the nonexistent option of camp and shit like the t.v. Series starring Adam West. I will tell you the only good thing about these movies. Jim Carrey as the Riddler, he was a ray of sunshine on a day like 9/11. Batman should be a character of a typical male, someone who sets out to control his surroundings, has to fix problems that aren't his own and someone who probably needs to learn to communicate a little better. Batman is not a gay icon. He shouldn't be there are better icons for members of the gay community and Batman should be asexual (I'm not saying Batman is gay in these movies, but he's not really Batman in these movies.). The villains in these two movies ( with the obvious exclusion of Riddler) are shit one dimensional beings that give you no taste of the true Batman experience. If the character doesn't have a good back story then they are just badly cast or even changed from the comics to such an extreme that you feel robbed. Two-face has no real back story, in this film he got half his face burnt by acid when he was in court as the District Attorney. Apparently such an event can make you an evil master mind if that's the case we should all be a little worried about what Katie Piper (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1221077/Katie-Piper-Acid-attack-victim-bravely-shows-face-disfigured-boyfriend-Daniel-Lynch.html) has up her sleeve. Bane in 'Batman & Robin' was a test subject for a super soldier like formula that gives him incredible strength, however in the comics he is an evil mastermind capable of matching wits with the worlds greatest detective. In this film he is nothing but a henchman a disposable pawn in Poison Ivy's wicked if not limp wristed plan. Poison Ivy herself is an ok character in this movie and maybe it's the fact I don't find Uma Thurman the least bit attractive that I don't understand the power she has over Batman & Robin. Mr Freeze the last of the villains in these completely shite Batman movies is a case of bad casting, the character has a reason for committing crimes, a pretty decent motive but casting Arnold Schwarzenegger was the equivalent of someone lending their tools to Josef Fritzl. Just something you shouldn't do. The role requires someone capable of being evil but who has a heart, seeing as Arnie is now a Republican Governer he can do evil but because he's a republican governor lacks a heart. My last gripe with these piece of shit movies is Robin. I don't think I have ever met anyone who likes him, and I'm sure I've never heard anyone mutter the phrase "oh Chris O'Donnell I really liked him in....". That's because both are intolerable pricks especially in these movies. If I saw my family murdered by a half faced criminal "mastermind" my first thought would not be to avenge their murders by dressing up as superhero and being a cunt. I think I might grieve a little and then look for the latest copy of everyones wills and organize the funeral, but that's just me. My fiancée for some unknown reason actually enjoys these films (obviously not as much as 'The Dark Knight' but still a fair amount.) and it is probably one of the many things we don't see eye to eye on, because in my opinion these films are atrocities. They Should be stricken from all records and put into protective custody like John Venables.
So there we have it 5 (or 6) movies that I wouldn't wish my worst enemies to see. Movies that almost make you wish that the art form of cinema had never been created. So if you watch any of these after my warning don't say I didn't warn you and if you have had this misfortune of watching these movies and actually disagree I welcome your opinions. And just as a bonus here is a quick list of films that didn't quite make the cut.
6.Ripper (2001) Dir. John Eyres.
7. Satan's little helper (2004) Dir. Jeff Lieberman.
8. American Pie 3: The wedding (2003) Dir. Jesse Dylan.
9. Any movie that ends in movie that wasn't the original two 'Scary Movies'.
10. Any movie with Jennifer Annistan that isn't 'The Break Up'.
So thanks for taking the time to read and hopefully a new blog will be up soon.
Honkeys be trippin'
I've been signed off sick throughout this month, so unfortunately you have the choice of going out and having my illness being doubted by any co-worker that sods law would dictate that I am likely to bump into or I can stay inside and watch crappy day time tv ( ok there is a third choice and that is to knuckle down and work on any of the projects that I have lined up). So crap tv it is, but as a person too broke for subscription tv, my choice of programs is limited and to be totally honest shit. I don't want to watch old people selling antiques to pay for a loft extension, I would much prefer to see a program in which junkies sell stolen goods to pay off a dealer. I don't want to watch a show about people who want to move to Spain to escape the rat race. I want to see a program where someone has to move to a country in which we have no extradition treaty to get away from the police. Anyways I'm going off topic here, the few daytime shows I can tolerate are strangely the ones I've seen time and time again these shows are Friends and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and it was from watching episodes of Fresh Prince that I came to this conclusion, racism is an ongoing theme of Will Smiths launching pad.
When you watch Fresh Prince, you get transported to the early 90's, a world dominated by inoffensive rap music, brightly coloured clothes and fade hairstyles. But don't let that distract you from the real issue here. Firstly the white characters in the Fresh Prince are one dimensional carbon copies of each other. According to the book of Smith, all white people are nerdy people who can't dance and wish nothing more than to be African American. Whether it's Will and Carlton's rich classmates or colleagues of Phil. They have one thing in common, they use African American slang in a way that makes you cringe. Will actually seems like the most racist character in the show, his childhood in "Philli" growing up in an area mainly inhabited by fellow African Americans probably has a lot to do with this. Where as the kids of Bel Air (Carlton, Ashley and Hilary) seem to integrate to the point where they are almost colour blind, but Will seems to hold some bigoted opinions, constantly berating Carlton for not acting "black" because of his republican beliefs and his love of Tom Jones. The best quote to prove this would be a poem Will recites to Carlton in front of his best friend Jazz.
"Roses are red, violets are blue, me and Jazz are black, but Carlton what are you?" Will seems to have very defined rules of how young African Americans should act, and Carlton does not doesn't fit in with this stereotype.
But before you think that I'm making this statement because I am white. I'm not there are other racist characters in Fresh Prince. Those characters are called police officers. It seems like almost every time Will got in trouble with the law there was an air of racial motivation behind the arrest. Would he have been nicked if he was white, maybe not, but it is it right to tar all cops with the same brush. Maybe it's justified with acts perpetrated by officers of the LAPD in the 90's but I bet there was also a lot of officers that weren't racist and found this portrayal quite offensive.
I guess the point I make here is kind of pointless I could do the same with 'Only fools and horses' , but from time to time it's kind of gratifying watching an old show and viewing it through different eyes.
When you watch Fresh Prince, you get transported to the early 90's, a world dominated by inoffensive rap music, brightly coloured clothes and fade hairstyles. But don't let that distract you from the real issue here. Firstly the white characters in the Fresh Prince are one dimensional carbon copies of each other. According to the book of Smith, all white people are nerdy people who can't dance and wish nothing more than to be African American. Whether it's Will and Carlton's rich classmates or colleagues of Phil. They have one thing in common, they use African American slang in a way that makes you cringe. Will actually seems like the most racist character in the show, his childhood in "Philli" growing up in an area mainly inhabited by fellow African Americans probably has a lot to do with this. Where as the kids of Bel Air (Carlton, Ashley and Hilary) seem to integrate to the point where they are almost colour blind, but Will seems to hold some bigoted opinions, constantly berating Carlton for not acting "black" because of his republican beliefs and his love of Tom Jones. The best quote to prove this would be a poem Will recites to Carlton in front of his best friend Jazz.
"Roses are red, violets are blue, me and Jazz are black, but Carlton what are you?" Will seems to have very defined rules of how young African Americans should act, and Carlton does not doesn't fit in with this stereotype.
But before you think that I'm making this statement because I am white. I'm not there are other racist characters in Fresh Prince. Those characters are called police officers. It seems like almost every time Will got in trouble with the law there was an air of racial motivation behind the arrest. Would he have been nicked if he was white, maybe not, but it is it right to tar all cops with the same brush. Maybe it's justified with acts perpetrated by officers of the LAPD in the 90's but I bet there was also a lot of officers that weren't racist and found this portrayal quite offensive.
I guess the point I make here is kind of pointless I could do the same with 'Only fools and horses' , but from time to time it's kind of gratifying watching an old show and viewing it through different eyes.
Saturday, 22 January 2011
iMistress
During a very productive writing session with a close friend, I was asked why I don't write a blog? To be perfectly honest I've never really thought about it before. What would I write about do? Do my opinions really matter? Will anyone read it? Well to answer the first question I'm going to write about the things that I enjoy the most. So what are these things? I hear you ask (assuming anyone is reading) well anyone who knows me will say the obvious answer is technology, but I also really enjoy movies and tv shows and I will write about all these things and maybe more if I feel inspired to do so.
Well that's enough about me, I wanted to focus on one of my favorite pieces of tech, the iPad. The iPad seems to be the marmite of the technology world, it draws equal amounts of praise and criticisms. However most of the people that do criticize the iPad seem to be the same people that will pour scorn on any new piece of Apple technology. As an iPad user I can honestly say it is one of the most amazing pieces of technology I have used. Since I bought my iPad (a 64gb wifi only) I have barely used my laptop. My iPad can do almost everything that a computer can do, there are exceptions and I will talk about them in greater detail later. I can access my twitter, Facebook and myspace accounts using free apps from apples more than impressive app store. I am currently writing this blog on Office HD and there are tonnes of other office based apps such as Apple's very own iWorks. The games on iPad are amazing Infinity Blade has the best graphics I've seen on a portable device and completely original gameplay, FIFA 11 captures elements from the console version although in all honesty it's not as good as playing the xbox or ps3 but on a boring bus journey it can be fun. See that's the best aspect of the iPad, it's portability it brings so many elements of a laptop or desktop and puts them into the your hands. Some people opted for the 3G version of the iPad which allows the user to access the Internet from anywhere that has a 3G connection. I opted for the wifi version because it was a) cheaper and b) I have mifi portable Internet adaptor from Three (which gives me 15gb a month for £23 a month, which is a better tariff than any iPad tariffs out there) so I get to access my emails, social networks and the Internet in general while out and about. I can pull my iPad out of my bag and I don't have to wait for it to load up like a computer.
And now for the negative, the ipad has one major drawback in my opinion. It cannot upload documents on its safari web browser. So I cannot upload my C.V. to a job site or upload photos to other sites, and in all honesty that is my only drawback with the iPad. To those of you reading this and thinking I'm an Apple fan boy. Your right I like Apple products. I don't fall at every word that comes out of Steve Jobs mouth, but I do appreciate what Apple have and are trying to achieve, but I will save talking about that I'm further detail.
It's coming up to a year since the iPad was first unveiled to the world and I've had mine since may when it came out. It was amazing when I first picked it up and it keeps getting better with new apps coming out and software updates. iOS 4.2 made took the iPad from being a portable tablet to a device capable of replacing your laptop. I can now print documents from my iPad wirelessly, so to an extent I really don't need my laptops ( with the exception of my iBook which I use for recording podcasts, hopefully in the future they will have an app that you can record and edit podcasts on I.e. GarageBand). I think when it comes to how good a piece of technology is you should ask my misses. If she gets pissed off with how long I spend on it, it must be a cracking piece of tech. In the instance of the iPad she refers to it as my mistress.
Well that's enough about me, I wanted to focus on one of my favorite pieces of tech, the iPad. The iPad seems to be the marmite of the technology world, it draws equal amounts of praise and criticisms. However most of the people that do criticize the iPad seem to be the same people that will pour scorn on any new piece of Apple technology. As an iPad user I can honestly say it is one of the most amazing pieces of technology I have used. Since I bought my iPad (a 64gb wifi only) I have barely used my laptop. My iPad can do almost everything that a computer can do, there are exceptions and I will talk about them in greater detail later. I can access my twitter, Facebook and myspace accounts using free apps from apples more than impressive app store. I am currently writing this blog on Office HD and there are tonnes of other office based apps such as Apple's very own iWorks. The games on iPad are amazing Infinity Blade has the best graphics I've seen on a portable device and completely original gameplay, FIFA 11 captures elements from the console version although in all honesty it's not as good as playing the xbox or ps3 but on a boring bus journey it can be fun. See that's the best aspect of the iPad, it's portability it brings so many elements of a laptop or desktop and puts them into the your hands. Some people opted for the 3G version of the iPad which allows the user to access the Internet from anywhere that has a 3G connection. I opted for the wifi version because it was a) cheaper and b) I have mifi portable Internet adaptor from Three (which gives me 15gb a month for £23 a month, which is a better tariff than any iPad tariffs out there) so I get to access my emails, social networks and the Internet in general while out and about. I can pull my iPad out of my bag and I don't have to wait for it to load up like a computer.
And now for the negative, the ipad has one major drawback in my opinion. It cannot upload documents on its safari web browser. So I cannot upload my C.V. to a job site or upload photos to other sites, and in all honesty that is my only drawback with the iPad. To those of you reading this and thinking I'm an Apple fan boy. Your right I like Apple products. I don't fall at every word that comes out of Steve Jobs mouth, but I do appreciate what Apple have and are trying to achieve, but I will save talking about that I'm further detail.
It's coming up to a year since the iPad was first unveiled to the world and I've had mine since may when it came out. It was amazing when I first picked it up and it keeps getting better with new apps coming out and software updates. iOS 4.2 made took the iPad from being a portable tablet to a device capable of replacing your laptop. I can now print documents from my iPad wirelessly, so to an extent I really don't need my laptops ( with the exception of my iBook which I use for recording podcasts, hopefully in the future they will have an app that you can record and edit podcasts on I.e. GarageBand). I think when it comes to how good a piece of technology is you should ask my misses. If she gets pissed off with how long I spend on it, it must be a cracking piece of tech. In the instance of the iPad she refers to it as my mistress.
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