It feels like ages since I last wrote one of these, oh it has been ages. Oh well. I know it's not the most sophisticated of tastes, but I'm not particularly sophisticated, but one thing that I have to say is that I love watching t.v. but who doesn't right? I have tons of favorite shows, some old, some new the point is that television is an amazing format. It's been around for decades and has rolled with almost every technological advancement. Unlike certain media formats it has evolved with society, it isn't stuck in a time warp that's for certain even though it's time is coming to an end (we need every show available when we want, not on someone elses schedule.). One show I have been watching with my fiancée lately is a show that manages to make me feel warm inside, no I'm not talking about "Rastamouse" (which seems to me to be the outcome if you put a group of stoners in a room with a set of Sylvainian family toys), the show I'm talking about isn't even on t.v. anymore (which is a big shame, maybe someone at Dave can put aside an hour a week in which they don't put that smug cunt Jeremy Clarkson on) anyways the show is called "The Amazing Adventures Of A Nobody".
"The Amazing Adventures Of A Nobody", centres on the travels of Leon Logothetis. There are three series, in one series he has to travel around the U.K. on £5 a day, he also travels the U.S. ( on $5 a day) and Europe (€5 a day). This may spoil it a little bit but he successfully completes each tour, mostly because of the helpfulness of the strangers he meets on his travels. Sometimes it's good to put on a t.v. show and actually feel happy. We live in a society where most t.v. shows perpetuate old fashioned stereotypes and pump you full of fear that when you come across a gem like this it's hard not to smile. Leon, is such a delightfully charming person that you do think that if anyone else did the show they may not have got so far. Honestly, Leon manages to charm and entertain almost everyone he encounters, on numerous occasions getting free lifts, a bed for the night, free meals and train tickets. If you ever get the chance to watch this show don't pass it up because you will regret not watching it. The people he meets on his travels are so interesting in particular the ones that help him, he encounters everyone from off duty soldiers to refugees. Each have their own story in which Leon takes the time to listen to ( sometimes putting his own troubles into perspective). He didn't do those journey's for the fame (clearly) or for any monetary gain, but to meet new people and for the sense of adventure.
I was lucky in the fact that I managed to get hold of the DVDs from the production company (Shankley Productions) because we (my fiancée and I) had seen a couple of episodes a couple of years back we knew we had to look for it, and after a bit of research managed to email someone at the production company who sent them. The point of this rather short blog post is that television doesn't need to be all doom and gloom (Eastenders, Hollyoaks, Sky news) in fact t.v. can be a place for wonderment and excitement (My Name Is Earl, How I Met Your Mother, Rastamouse), wouldn't that be nice to see, television shows that cheer you up rather than shows that make you want to smash your t.v. over your head. Apologies for the shortness of this blog but hopefully I will be back very soon with something that resembles a coherent blog.
Thursday, 24 February 2011
Thursday, 10 February 2011
Cinema? No thanks! I think I'd rather drink rat piss til I get a disease.
I'm gonna level with ya, if your reading this thinking I may write about new movies. Your in for a disappointment but don't despair it's just one of the many you will endure on the ongoing journey to the crypt. I don't go to the cinema and I won't go to the cinema, there is not a good enough reason to make me to go, and there are plenty of reasons why I wouldn't and I think this may well be the topic of this very blog.
Reason one: The Internet
This might be because I'm insanely lazy or a because I'm crap in most social situations, but I would much rather download a movie from iTunes and watch it on my big screen t.v. via an apple t.v. box (by the way that last sentence wasn't intended as bragging) it's hd quality (albeit 720p) and it's quick and simple and let's face it that's what our society is aiming for right?! Isn't the future all robots and computers that do everything while we overpopulated the world with slow witted obese twat bags that will never work a day in their life ( sorry been watching too much Jezza Kyle and sci-fi movies). Fuck leaving my living room, big t.v., surround sound and an 99% chance of not getting stabbed (1% chance cos the misses may well tire of my bullshit, wouldn't blame her I'm getting pretty tired of it myself). Anyways I could talk all day about the intricacy of my relationship but you would get bored and my misses would rip my balls off and feed them to pigs ( she's watched too many Guy Ritchie movies) the point I'm making is if there is an easier way of doing something I'm going to do it that way, that even means that I will wait for a film to come out on DVD or the iTunes store rather than leave the safety of my home to go watch a movie at the cinema.
Reason two: The Cinema
I can't remember the last time I went to the cinema or even what film I saw ( although I suspect it was "Get him to the Greek"). If you are truly honest with yourself you can admit what a harrowing experience going to the cinema is. Firstly you have to turn up at the cinema to watch a film at a time that they allocate and it's always some strange time like 21:45 or 22:10 it might be because I'm slightly OCD but I want my films to start on the hour. So after you have picked the film you want to watch out of a choice of 6 ( which really isn't the freedom of choice I'm used to in this day and age) You then get to choose what overpriced snacks you want to buy ( oooohhh! Do I spend my hard earned money on the £5 drink or the £3 sweets?) seriously where the hell do cinemas get off charging so much?! If you popped into tesco and bought a bottle of pepsi and the person at the till told you it cost £5 you would probably tell them to fuck off. So why do we accept this case of extortion if ordinarily we wouldn't? Sometimes they even search you for food to prevent you from taking anything in from home. So forgive me if I prefer being at home to being searched by the food Nazis. Welcome to a Hollywood holocaust in which carrying a chocolate bar is considered to be on a par with possession of a wrap of cocaine and a shopping list is considered a thought crime.
Reason three: The movies
I think that the biggest and best reason for not going to the cinema, has to be the quality of the films. Let's face it apart from the odd film like "Inception" Hollywood really doesn't put out the decent quality it used to. If you go the cinema on any given day your going to be confronted by the following choices;
A soulless cgi movie for kids that lacks in plot and charm.
A hapless horror movie that follows tIred clichès and isn't remotely scary.
A pointless action movie starring some knuckle drugging ape as some guy who has to avenge something for some reason.
And whatever cheesy romantic comedy starring Jennifer Anniston in her usual Rachel from Friends persona.
So forgive me for choosing watching movies at home over being over charged to spend two hours in a room with a bunch of disease spreaders while being subjected to the latest piece of shit Hollywood considers to be a movie. When is the movie industry going to realize going to the cinema is as dead as the newspaper industry and Maddy ( most probably, don't hate me too much for that).
Reason one: The Internet
This might be because I'm insanely lazy or a because I'm crap in most social situations, but I would much rather download a movie from iTunes and watch it on my big screen t.v. via an apple t.v. box (by the way that last sentence wasn't intended as bragging) it's hd quality (albeit 720p) and it's quick and simple and let's face it that's what our society is aiming for right?! Isn't the future all robots and computers that do everything while we overpopulated the world with slow witted obese twat bags that will never work a day in their life ( sorry been watching too much Jezza Kyle and sci-fi movies). Fuck leaving my living room, big t.v., surround sound and an 99% chance of not getting stabbed (1% chance cos the misses may well tire of my bullshit, wouldn't blame her I'm getting pretty tired of it myself). Anyways I could talk all day about the intricacy of my relationship but you would get bored and my misses would rip my balls off and feed them to pigs ( she's watched too many Guy Ritchie movies) the point I'm making is if there is an easier way of doing something I'm going to do it that way, that even means that I will wait for a film to come out on DVD or the iTunes store rather than leave the safety of my home to go watch a movie at the cinema.
Reason two: The Cinema
I can't remember the last time I went to the cinema or even what film I saw ( although I suspect it was "Get him to the Greek"). If you are truly honest with yourself you can admit what a harrowing experience going to the cinema is. Firstly you have to turn up at the cinema to watch a film at a time that they allocate and it's always some strange time like 21:45 or 22:10 it might be because I'm slightly OCD but I want my films to start on the hour. So after you have picked the film you want to watch out of a choice of 6 ( which really isn't the freedom of choice I'm used to in this day and age) You then get to choose what overpriced snacks you want to buy ( oooohhh! Do I spend my hard earned money on the £5 drink or the £3 sweets?) seriously where the hell do cinemas get off charging so much?! If you popped into tesco and bought a bottle of pepsi and the person at the till told you it cost £5 you would probably tell them to fuck off. So why do we accept this case of extortion if ordinarily we wouldn't? Sometimes they even search you for food to prevent you from taking anything in from home. So forgive me if I prefer being at home to being searched by the food Nazis. Welcome to a Hollywood holocaust in which carrying a chocolate bar is considered to be on a par with possession of a wrap of cocaine and a shopping list is considered a thought crime.
Reason three: The movies
I think that the biggest and best reason for not going to the cinema, has to be the quality of the films. Let's face it apart from the odd film like "Inception" Hollywood really doesn't put out the decent quality it used to. If you go the cinema on any given day your going to be confronted by the following choices;
A soulless cgi movie for kids that lacks in plot and charm.
A hapless horror movie that follows tIred clichès and isn't remotely scary.
A pointless action movie starring some knuckle drugging ape as some guy who has to avenge something for some reason.
And whatever cheesy romantic comedy starring Jennifer Anniston in her usual Rachel from Friends persona.
So forgive me for choosing watching movies at home over being over charged to spend two hours in a room with a bunch of disease spreaders while being subjected to the latest piece of shit Hollywood considers to be a movie. When is the movie industry going to realize going to the cinema is as dead as the newspaper industry and Maddy ( most probably, don't hate me too much for that).
Wednesday, 2 February 2011
The Curious Case Of Jeremy Kyle
I'll be honest here, I was struggling to come up with a topic for this blog. I could talk about the civil unrest in Egypt (but I'm far too ignorant) or the sacking of Andy Gray and Richard Keys (but anyone who knows me, will know I've probably said worse. On the subject of Andy Gray, when I was playing FIFA 11 I think he called Fernando Torres sugartits, but I digress.) I could even discuss the protests in London by Uk Uncut ( once again way too ignorant.). So I'm racking my brain (lying on the couch doing nothing) trying to think of a subject that will get people interested, words that may inspire others or at the very least provoke thought, argument or a giggle (btw who giggles, I laugh, my friends laugh, I don't ever hear people giggle and I've never heard a guffaw). So while waiting on this divine inspiration to fall in to my reclined lap, it hit me, well I say it hit me but it was more of a case of my fiancée hitting the 6 button on the free view remote. Yes my inspiration came from ITV2. That's right ITV2, the channel that brings us televisual classics such as "The only way is Essex" (which is kind of like a reality t.v. Version of "The O.C." except the c stands for cunts.), Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter ( in which the audience is constantly hoping that the next chapter involves chains and meat cleaver.) and Peter Andre: The next chapter ( a candid show that captures the Aussie pop singer and former sperm donor for Katie Price struggling to read the hungry caterpillar.). So what inspired piece of programming will I be discussing in this barely read and even less enjoyed blog? Here's a clue I'm going to cut the crap and "draw a line in the sand". Got it yet? Yeah that's right. I'm going to talk about Jeremy Kyle.
What can I say about Jeremy Kyle that hasn't been said already? Well let me try by saying I actually love this piece of shit show. I think its amazing. No other show on television shows you the truth that most problems can be solved by shouting. I enjoy this show because when I'm feeling that my life is crap and things aren't going to plan I can sit down, put on Jeremy Kyle and just bask in the glow of other people's lives going down the crapper. I'm not a "good" person in the slightest but compared to the pricks they get on this show I look like Ghandi. Where the fuck does he find these people? I'm thinking a lot of the "guests" are either the inbred hill people from "The Hills Have Eyes" or some of the children that Josef Fritzl had with his now estranged daughter. Most of the people who come on are identikit copies, they all seem to be on benefits and drugs and have never heard the word contraception ( which is fine but I think they should have been sterilized at some point). It must be hard for poor Jeremy ( don't worry insults will come later) to deal with this influx of slags and chavs and almost definitely having to deal with the stress of filming more than one show a day in order to fulfill ITV's requirements, while at the same time having to schedule around his guests benefits pay days. The stress of listening to these people's bullshit probably means that he won't live to 50 ( here's hoping anyway). The main thing that Jeremy does on his show is reveal results from tests, either lie detector (of course he cheated he's got a cock hasn't he?) and DNA ( would love it if the DNA test showed that the guests were in fact another species, that would definitely make me feel better about mankind), but how about Jezza ups the anty a little I wanna see people recording the results of a HIV test (serves you right for being a slag).
As for Mr Kyle, he must be one of the angriest men in Britain (Myself coming a close second). He shouts at his guests with no thought of the consequence and has been close to being hit on a few occasions. A usual episode will consist of some chav shouting, a slag crying, Kyle shouting then revealing a test result and then Jezza passes the buck on to long suffering life partner Graham ( if you look into his eyes they are trying to hide some dark secret of Jeremy's). I recently watched an episode in which he went around Britain confronting people that were claiming benefits, yeah nice one mate just take a swipe at your audience. I'm surprised he hasn't gone after teen mums, druggies and the elderly (oh wait). Jeremy my son don't bite the hand that feeds you. You don't see these work dodging, benefits collecting breeders go after tax payers do you? Kyle himself has had his own demons, not drink, drugs or women but gambling which is clearly the reason his show is sponsored by numerous online bingo companies (gotta pay back those debts right? I guess it serves you right for putting a wager on Audley Harrison.)
To sum up TJKS as I never call it, its white trash television. Not Jerry Springer white trash because, well we are British after all. We might drink, take drugs and have indiscriminate sex but we won't get naked and fight by a stripper poll, while an over weight pervert with a primary school education (or potential sun reader) plays sound effects taken from a seriously perverse episode of sesame street. Jeremy Kyle is clearly one of the four horseman, this is apocolypse, this is broken Britain, put your slippers on, get yourself a cupper, get comfy, sit back and enjoy. Feel free to add your opinions below or contact me personally in twitter. I'm @IamWicksie and this has been my Bloggle.
What can I say about Jeremy Kyle that hasn't been said already? Well let me try by saying I actually love this piece of shit show. I think its amazing. No other show on television shows you the truth that most problems can be solved by shouting. I enjoy this show because when I'm feeling that my life is crap and things aren't going to plan I can sit down, put on Jeremy Kyle and just bask in the glow of other people's lives going down the crapper. I'm not a "good" person in the slightest but compared to the pricks they get on this show I look like Ghandi. Where the fuck does he find these people? I'm thinking a lot of the "guests" are either the inbred hill people from "The Hills Have Eyes" or some of the children that Josef Fritzl had with his now estranged daughter. Most of the people who come on are identikit copies, they all seem to be on benefits and drugs and have never heard the word contraception ( which is fine but I think they should have been sterilized at some point). It must be hard for poor Jeremy ( don't worry insults will come later) to deal with this influx of slags and chavs and almost definitely having to deal with the stress of filming more than one show a day in order to fulfill ITV's requirements, while at the same time having to schedule around his guests benefits pay days. The stress of listening to these people's bullshit probably means that he won't live to 50 ( here's hoping anyway). The main thing that Jeremy does on his show is reveal results from tests, either lie detector (of course he cheated he's got a cock hasn't he?) and DNA ( would love it if the DNA test showed that the guests were in fact another species, that would definitely make me feel better about mankind), but how about Jezza ups the anty a little I wanna see people recording the results of a HIV test (serves you right for being a slag).
As for Mr Kyle, he must be one of the angriest men in Britain (Myself coming a close second). He shouts at his guests with no thought of the consequence and has been close to being hit on a few occasions. A usual episode will consist of some chav shouting, a slag crying, Kyle shouting then revealing a test result and then Jezza passes the buck on to long suffering life partner Graham ( if you look into his eyes they are trying to hide some dark secret of Jeremy's). I recently watched an episode in which he went around Britain confronting people that were claiming benefits, yeah nice one mate just take a swipe at your audience. I'm surprised he hasn't gone after teen mums, druggies and the elderly (oh wait). Jeremy my son don't bite the hand that feeds you. You don't see these work dodging, benefits collecting breeders go after tax payers do you? Kyle himself has had his own demons, not drink, drugs or women but gambling which is clearly the reason his show is sponsored by numerous online bingo companies (gotta pay back those debts right? I guess it serves you right for putting a wager on Audley Harrison.)
To sum up TJKS as I never call it, its white trash television. Not Jerry Springer white trash because, well we are British after all. We might drink, take drugs and have indiscriminate sex but we won't get naked and fight by a stripper poll, while an over weight pervert with a primary school education (or potential sun reader) plays sound effects taken from a seriously perverse episode of sesame street. Jeremy Kyle is clearly one of the four horseman, this is apocolypse, this is broken Britain, put your slippers on, get yourself a cupper, get comfy, sit back and enjoy. Feel free to add your opinions below or contact me personally in twitter. I'm @IamWicksie and this has been my Bloggle.
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